When you have done all you can, and gained nothing in return.
It seems second nature to let go, heart cut open and continue to bleed.
Hate inside, rage, continue to burn.
For one who has always felt alone
He will sit and thank you for the love you have shown
It may be small and you may be right;
thanks unnecessary; He will cry at sight.
________________
Alone is not a feeling loved by any.
6 comments:
i like how you go from free-verse to a rhyming prose, and still keep the context continuous.
question though: "it may be small, and you may be right" ... what is the "right" in reference to? the fact that "you" are showing that love?
now your quotation: i know what you're trying to say, but i feel that if you said "loneliness is a feeling not loved by any" would be a better statement. one because "loneliness" gets the point across better i.e. more despair; and that it's more accepted than having "alone" as a feeling, unless you're saying "i feel so alone". second because the negation you have in the statement should precede the topic of emphasis, which is love in this case; you putting the "not" before "a feeling" sounds awkward as well.
no the "you may be right" refers to the "thanks unnecessary" portion.
I know when I first wrote it was really awkward but I think that is the reason why I kept it. Once you read something awkward you always come back, or I do anyway and try to figure out why it awkward, I like the awkward feeling it brings. Also, with respect to "loneliness" I just didn't want to use it as its been so overused. I know that being alone is something a lot of people enjoy. I think its because at that moment I felt alone that I used that word instead.
ok
wait
how does it refer to it?
the thanks comes AFTER the showing of love, right? therefore, the thanks would refer to the action of showing love.
so, my question again; the "right" is in reference to "you" showing that love? i can't think of anything else within rhyme or reason.
and awkward is good, but if it gets the point across. it's good here, 'cause it can be easily understood.
and it's good as an inspiration as well
okay. lets try and break this down.
This person is thanking someone for the "love" they have shown even though the actions of the person were small. and so this individual was told "dont worry about .. its a small action no thanks necessary" .. hence this ..
He will sit and thank you for the love you have shown
It may be small and you may be right;
thanks unnecessary; He will cry at sight.
does that make sense?
haha grammar problem. it should be this (possibly)
it may be small and you may be right: thanks unnecessary; he will cry at sigh.
lol
umm, i know what's what you are saying!
i'm trying to get you to explain it, and in your explanation, there appears to be a logical problem. it's not about grammar. i was trying to probe for a personal answer :P. hahaha
anywho...
btw, next time, please pick a harder color to read. i don't think i'm blind yet :).
what is the logical problem in my explanation other than the fact that I fail at english? Also. next time, just ask if you want a personal answer preferably in a more personal space than the blog. :)
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